SHIT!

I hate her, I detest her awkward questions,

I dislike her ever-changing  facet of mood,

Her smile nowadays makes me sad,

I want to scream at her and be rude.

My insides want to shoot her blessed head,

I am full of wrath and fury,

Her everything is hated by me now,

Her mesmerizing thoughts, I want to bury.

I am a changed man now, for the better of it,

I pity myself at the state I am now,

Every beautiful feature is distorted now,

Still I relish this incarnation somehow.

Murder, crime and hatred all go hand in hand,

I am a man capable to hate too,

Hatred burns me, my inner-self screams in protest,

I continue to hate, to be difficult to woo.

DULL!

I sit in the class, listening to the lecture,

People are yawning and are not interested,

A sense of dizziness engulfs me,

My patience is being tested.

Chaos rules the roost after the lecture,

Everyone is in a hurry,

The sense of civic politeness is blasted,

People swarm the stairs like slurry!!

A break of fifteen minutes is welcome,

Relieving the tiredness of the body,

Guys run out to get some feel in their legs,

The air seems fresh, but the garden is weedy.

The end of the day is a welcome change,

Tiredness seems to fill up in myself,

I return to my dormitory quickly,

And fall on my bed without a yelp.

This is one of the first poems written by me!

ONCE AGAIN

Well, well, well! Look what I have done,

All the memories, all the love, all is gone,

I look around to find where was my fault,

I am helpless once again, as the Devil does a somersault.

I can’t sit like this forever for her,

I stand alone in the moor, on the barren tor,

Rain splashes down the memories of old,

Each one hurts that was once treasured as gold.

Life teaches us to stand up and move on,

I have cut my heart, where shall I run?

The bleeding won’t stop till it consumes-

Me, I sit down in exhaustion till the rain resumes.

But there are some who care what happens here,

They are not the first but neither do the make up the rear,

I breathe just for them now, to see them smile,

They give me hope  to close my depression file!

For Su,Sheet and dear Hondo,

             Love you all!

               -Avinash

GLOOM

Thousands of people cross me in the day,

Many are unconcerned and many are jolly and gay,

How come I am the only one feeling alone?

Devastated like a man down with a loan!

I have got friend. Still I feel isolated,

They love me but still I feel insulated,

The rush of the crowd does not make a sense,

I walk with them but feelings are as transparent as lens.

It will take time to come to terms with my loss,

I will recover but that’s as short lived as moss,

Again I’ll get down, be insulted and hurt,

Be left, wounded and ignored, to rot.

Ever my friends might think me as a fool,

That I easily lose my happiness, my cool,

I have learnt my lesson once again,

But that too will not last with my pain.

30^th June, 2010.

CONTROL

I am happier than I ever was, in the past two months,

I now have a firm hold on the hose of my emotions,

Slow and steady I found a way back,

I learnt to promote my happiness, grief has had a demotion.

At last I have a strict rule over myself,

I am not a toy that everyone would play and discard,

Wasted are my days in regret and darkness that God himself-

Cannot forgive, so who am I to show any regard?

This is me, taking back control, taking what I need,

My shadowy world has been pushed near extinction,

I am not a muddy, wet and slimy weed,

Even they are useful in some, worthy implementation.

This is me, taking what I deserve, back from all,

From hurting and pain inflicting best-friends, from a selfish family,

I can smell the burning of my inside, it’s a positive call,

I do not find it necessary to appreciate hands that are oily.

I wrest my control back, from inhuman expectations,

From brain-storming thoughts, explicit excruciating pain,

From dishonest and faltering words, from baseless allegations.

I wrest my control back, this will be my greatest gain.

I learned a lot this time, my heart told me to endure,

Detaching mind from the heart, its horrible, to out-smart,

Control was indeed difficult to gain, to bear,

Finally I succumb to my conscience, with a mighty weight on my heart.

WELL…..

It has happened many-a-time when I am unaware,

All of my short-comings are cruelly laid bare,

Money changes hands like wood on fire,

I seem to run out of luck when need is dire.

There have been many obstacles in my life,

Like  a man with a tyrannous and strict wife,

Who had no liberty with his money and habit,

I have been forced to live like a ruined gambit.

My inside revolts against these unseen depressions,

Looking to thwart this cruel oppressions,

I look for a gap to soar into the vast blue sky,

And explore myself and learn to fly high.

I don’t know what makes me so complicated a man,

I seem to be unknown to every happiness that one can-

Experience in God’s green earth, save perhaps pain,

That engulfs my heart in its dripping jaws like a blessed gain.

Never have I been so confused over my priorities,

I can not fathom the depth of my liabilities,

Her cheerful face flashes in the screen of my mind,

And leaves behind a trail of happiness that none can unwind.

LONGING

I don’t know why I am like this,

My lingering desire to be at home,

I miss each and everything about it,

It’s garden, the interior and my blessed mum.

My heart yearns for the enchanted shores,

The pure air with its coolness and sweet talk,

I know I’ll return someday once again,

But still I want to go and run amok.

I am depressed, I think of my mom every second,

I miss her voice, that keeps me on my toes,

I miss her food, warmth and sense of protection,

Yet here I am, with none to listen to my woes.

I don’t like this bloody hostel, I don’t like it,

I don’t like this stupid college either,

It seems like a cage to me and my thoughts,

I like the bare grounds neither.

I like the green pastures, the hills under mist,

I like the lands full of grass and plants,

The greenery cheers up one’s mind,

And mingles with one’s hope and wants.

The barren fields here repel me,

The hilly areas of home seem a distant comfort,

I don’t know when I’ll go to the heavens beyond,

I want to go there not as my last resort!