ENOUGH!

Things are not what they were before,

Walking the path of friendship, my feet are sore,

It is easy to make a friend and be close,

Sometimes that friendship turns upon you, like a lethal dose.

New things are lovely at first, everything seems perfect,

Time drags by, as the friends get to know each other’s defect,

Lot of unsaid words slip by, bonding becomes strong,

Eternal loyalty, everlasting love is promised, but that’s where they are wrong.

Nothing lasts forever in this human world,

You don’t know when it will come- the Devil’s herald,

By and by your grip loosens over the bond-

And you are left to mourn, like frogs in a weedy pond.

What do we do when the chips are down?

How can we go on, endure without a frown,

I can not dream of reliving the horror,

I want to know what went wrong, what was my error?

Expectations become high, demand pressurizes us,

Each word uttered my seem like poison, pain does rush-

Endlessly, the world seems to be darker,

When your dear ones hurt, the imprint runs deep like a marker.

Feel he ever-changing facet of life,

Nothing goes down without a strife,

Still one can be broken, dejected and lost,

The loss of a dear one, is one excruciatingly huge cost.

MY APOLOGIES

The day grows and gradually slips past,

I linger in my room, my patience does not last,

I sense an impending disaster coming up,

I am helpless, like a diabetic let lose in a candy shop.

I am thinking about the numerous mistakes I have done,

You do not show the pain that you have undergone,

I feel horrible in my inside, my breathe’s jammed,

I pant fast, your thoughts flood, my brain is rammed.

I loathe my heart, that is unable to overlook little slips,

My soaring mood dips, its wings the pain clips,

You don’t know my feelings, my anguish,

I am a frail person, and I am easy to vanquish.

“Pla” forgive my temper, I am an obnoxious weed,

Responsibilities, I don’t understand, neither do I heed,

I dread you might loathe me someday, somehow,

I wont be able to live with that, I can’t bear anyhow.

Essentially I need a dressing, fit for my rudeness,

I know you’d never show me your sadness,

But still I beg you to spare me this once,

I ‘sweat’ I’ll walk away next time, without asking for another chance.

LAST DAYS

The air seems to be more pure, the wind seems cooler,

The corridors seem extra-familiar, the thrill is shriller,

People frequent the stairs as usual, but its not forever,

Once gone, the days at CVRCE IN-Campus Boys’ Hostel will return never.

Friends, they seem to be known for ages,

Mutual sharing and pranks set the birds free from their cages,

Discussions and jokes were common everywhere,

Seven days, and after that these things will be nowhere.

Days slip past in a blur, lightening fast,

This merriment and bliss, forever it won’t last,

Evening brings the time for jokes and humour,

Even the slightest, tiniest leak can spread a rumour.

Nights seem to be very long and cool,

Sleep is difficult to come soon, as a rule,

Early morning is the time for us to sleep,

Daybreak does not wake us up from slumber,

Even if does, we drop again like lumber.

Water-fights are exceedingly popular among the guys,

Pickles are eaten like food, wich everyone buys,

Rain does not stop us from going to and fro to the canteen,

We live is fully, our lives, being kids, like we are again thirteen.

Sometimes its gloomy and my heart yearns for home,

Roomies stand back in support like Seven Hills of Rome,

People swarm the fields in the afternoon, full of life,

I love this place now, with no trouble and no strife.

Seniors do have unlimited fun with the folks,

Its windy here, cool and nice with bliss, this rocks!

Hostel will be remembered by us all, till we die,

Ask me about this, ten years after, and I won’t lie.

30^th June, 2010,

C.V Raman College of Engineering.

Last fews days at our beloved hostel.This 1’s for all the folks tht contributed to the fun and family in the hostel.

BUBYE

Its dusty, its filthy and the bags are heavy and full,

The cupboard is cleaned, one is broken, the air is cool,

We pack our belongings after ten months of stay,

We have to leave this beloved 216, we don’t have another way.

The floor is full of crap, bits of paper and many more,

We are tired, legs are heavy and feet are sore,

The room grows more attractive, less detached,

I am reluctant to leave it, I am much attached.

Memories flow by this wooden door, as I look,

Essence of a new energy comes in through the window, which we took,

Internals passed like the sands of time here,

I do not know how I survived them without any fear.

Magi formed the daily dinner of the four,

Birthdays are not celebrated without a roar,

Birth-day turns into a nightmare in a minute’s notice,

Here fun is readily available like a crystal lattice.

Girlfriends attack upon the privacy of friends,

Night is the ideal time for such love trends,

People patrol the corridors like routine cops,

Studies take a backseat like  secondary jobs.

A lot of things go unnoticed in this place,

Guys strive hard to succeed in this educational race,

Still memories remain, and will do, of untold deeds,

Of unending desires, friendship, love and boyish needs.

The last day in No.216……

REFLECT

I think I once was a poet, had words for my feelings,

I think I once was happy, with no pain or sorry dealings,

All this has faded into the past, I am no more,

My insides are void, I feel nothing, m empty to the core.

I look at my friends, their eyes are questioning,

I let a smile escape my lips, I don’t have any reasoning,

The length of the smile is short, the rascals see that,

I cannot tell them what has happened, and the pain I cannot thwart.

My mind fluctuates, I don’t have the will to live,

I can exist, but the reason to live is missing,

I can’t even cry, fuck my eyes off!

I am angry, my friends bear the behavior—rough.

Sometimes I wonder, if it is me who is responsible,

For all these bullshit and me shit of a mind is untamable,

I am a lowly bastard and my feelings are filth,

To hell with my heart! I hate myself and the life I have.

I DON’T KNOW

There are things I want to say,

I want to let go, not hold it to oppose nature’s way,

I have lost interest to write this poem anymore,

But I’ll go on, because I am very happy, to the core.

Sixteen lines is all I need to give me satisfaction,

I am scared, lest I’ll lose this self-occupation,

Sometimes I wonder, I am a bad guy,

I need a better character, but that’s something that money can not buy.

Please, someone help me to write this out,

I am strong at heart but my limbs are not so stout,

Sometimes I melt, to forego any pain,

But that has proved me of great trouble sans gain.

I look at Pal smiling, his eyes tell the truth,

Glad I am for him, his smile is enough to sooth,

My pain, I owe him for his great contribution,

I think I’ll be forever in debt  for his consolation.

I wanted sixteen lines but I overshot the mark,

Still I want to write but I am wont be a shark,

And feed upon my bloody thoughts, rather I choose-

To text back another dear one whom I’d never lose!

Last Line’s for Su!!!

IDIOTS

What has happened to me, I don’t know,

My preparation has hit an all-time low,

Tomorrow’s my semester examination,

But even then I am in my world of imagination.

I feel too tired to move an inch from my room,

The lair is much dusty, despite my latest attempts with a broom,

Its kinda hot and sticky, my body is exhausted,

I am down with a regret, my world seems rusted.

The atmosphere does resemble a normal working day,

There is no sign of the rush, while the sun shines, to make hay,

Calm and carefree seem to be, the guys here,

The peace, with the impending doom, is too much to bear.

I can not study even the smallest bit,

My writings are worse than shit,

I tend to write poems instead of study,

I wait, in vain anguish, for a text from my best-buddy.

None seem to care for the examination coming up,

Results do burst the bubble with a loud pop,

I wish I had studied a bit more,

A 9 point would have been easy to score.

The day before the 2^nd Semester of my B.Tech life in In-Campus Boys’ Hostel, CVRCE.

Aditya and Arko are arguing with each other, I am lying on my bed writing this poem, Bhavani’s not in the room, probably having a chat somewhere else.This is the life I’ll miss!!!

SHIT!

I hate her, I detest her awkward questions,

I dislike her ever-changing  facet of mood,

Her smile nowadays makes me sad,

I want to scream at her and be rude.

My insides want to shoot her blessed head,

I am full of wrath and fury,

Her everything is hated by me now,

Her mesmerizing thoughts, I want to bury.

I am a changed man now, for the better of it,

I pity myself at the state I am now,

Every beautiful feature is distorted now,

Still I relish this incarnation somehow.

Murder, crime and hatred all go hand in hand,

I am a man capable to hate too,

Hatred burns me, my inner-self screams in protest,

I continue to hate, to be difficult to woo.

DULL!

I sit in the class, listening to the lecture,

People are yawning and are not interested,

A sense of dizziness engulfs me,

My patience is being tested.

Chaos rules the roost after the lecture,

Everyone is in a hurry,

The sense of civic politeness is blasted,

People swarm the stairs like slurry!!

A break of fifteen minutes is welcome,

Relieving the tiredness of the body,

Guys run out to get some feel in their legs,

The air seems fresh, but the garden is weedy.

The end of the day is a welcome change,

Tiredness seems to fill up in myself,

I return to my dormitory quickly,

And fall on my bed without a yelp.

This is one of the first poems written by me!

ONCE AGAIN

Well, well, well! Look what I have done,

All the memories, all the love, all is gone,

I look around to find where was my fault,

I am helpless once again, as the Devil does a somersault.

I can’t sit like this forever for her,

I stand alone in the moor, on the barren tor,

Rain splashes down the memories of old,

Each one hurts that was once treasured as gold.

Life teaches us to stand up and move on,

I have cut my heart, where shall I run?

The bleeding won’t stop till it consumes-

Me, I sit down in exhaustion till the rain resumes.

But there are some who care what happens here,

They are not the first but neither do the make up the rear,

I breathe just for them now, to see them smile,

They give me hope  to close my depression file!

For Su,Sheet and dear Hondo,

             Love you all!

               -Avinash

GLOOM

Thousands of people cross me in the day,

Many are unconcerned and many are jolly and gay,

How come I am the only one feeling alone?

Devastated like a man down with a loan!

I have got friend. Still I feel isolated,

They love me but still I feel insulated,

The rush of the crowd does not make a sense,

I walk with them but feelings are as transparent as lens.

It will take time to come to terms with my loss,

I will recover but that’s as short lived as moss,

Again I’ll get down, be insulted and hurt,

Be left, wounded and ignored, to rot.

Ever my friends might think me as a fool,

That I easily lose my happiness, my cool,

I have learnt my lesson once again,

But that too will not last with my pain.

30^th June, 2010.

CONTROL

I am happier than I ever was, in the past two months,

I now have a firm hold on the hose of my emotions,

Slow and steady I found a way back,

I learnt to promote my happiness, grief has had a demotion.

At last I have a strict rule over myself,

I am not a toy that everyone would play and discard,

Wasted are my days in regret and darkness that God himself-

Cannot forgive, so who am I to show any regard?

This is me, taking back control, taking what I need,

My shadowy world has been pushed near extinction,

I am not a muddy, wet and slimy weed,

Even they are useful in some, worthy implementation.

This is me, taking what I deserve, back from all,

From hurting and pain inflicting best-friends, from a selfish family,

I can smell the burning of my inside, it’s a positive call,

I do not find it necessary to appreciate hands that are oily.

I wrest my control back, from inhuman expectations,

From brain-storming thoughts, explicit excruciating pain,

From dishonest and faltering words, from baseless allegations.

I wrest my control back, this will be my greatest gain.

I learned a lot this time, my heart told me to endure,

Detaching mind from the heart, its horrible, to out-smart,

Control was indeed difficult to gain, to bear,

Finally I succumb to my conscience, with a mighty weight on my heart.